Thursday, June 27, 2013

That Literary Shit: 503 GOES HARD!

The newest project to escape the 503 is a joint effort between my brother from another mother Adam Anderson and the Juggernaut himself, Pete Tobias.

This group effort is to be known as "Moon Burn" and is slated to be set approximately 200 years in the future.  Both of us have experience as writers, but this is our first time working together.  Without further adieu, I present to you just a meager snippet of "Moon Burn" by Adam Anderson and Pete Tobias.  Enjoy!

As the flocks of those resigned to their grim fate shuffled past him with their heads hung in despair, Lee caught sight of one – and only one – who's eyes seemed to hold a light of determination. A wry grin spread across the features of the heavily muscled sociopath as eye contact was made. "You must be new here.”


The new arrival nodded slightly, though his eyes had become unsettled. It was as if the fresh meat was searching for an escape route. You had to admire his persistence. Sadly, Lee didn't share this view of the plucky draftee. “Welcome to the moon! The food is shit, the people treat you like shit, and if your lucky someone will gladly slit your throat. Word has it that's the only way off this rock.." As if on cue, Lee hefted a recently created corpse off the ground, chuckling loudly as he used his finger to demonstrate that the exact mentioned fate had befallen this departed soul. The blood that ran from his throat had barely even congealed, not even formed that flaky crimson crust of spilled and wasted life along the lower throat. After the demonstration of carnage, the cadaver was thrown over his shoulder, treated with all the care one would give a large bag of dog food. A few large, effortless strides later, and the trash chute was being pulled open. The dead body was lowered to the opening, and once partially inserted Lee gave it a good shove, ensuring it would reach the furnaces below. Deacon's heart sank. "By the way, the name is, well every one calls me Grizzly Bear.”


Sunday, January 13, 2013

Why Twitter doesn't suck!

When I first created my Twitter account, it was literally just to post scores from Temple Run.  I didn't give a shit about connecting with people, especially not 140 characters at a time. Then something clicked and I decided to check it out for serious.  I think I was just tired of the endless he said she said drama shit on failbook.  It happens from time to time.  Failbook gives you a nasty rash, you put some cream on it and stay away a few days, and all is well.  But in that time away, I really dug into twitter.  I followed a shitload of athletes, a couple rappers, and some sportscasters.  Nothing really serious.  Then I saw boobs on a post.  Follow the boobies!  LOL. Yeah, that really happened.

FAST FORWARD!  I'm interacting with people all over the country, and a pretty rad fuckin guy on the other side of the pond.

How is this different than failbook?  I've got friends on failbook all over the country and a couple super rad friends in England.  I suppose, to an extent, it's not.  On the surface, the only difference is the display name/pic and the 140 character limit on twitter.  But when you explore the difference between my friends list and my twitter followers, there's some pretty profound differences.

On failbook, I've got a lot of friends.  Like 200 people that occasionally see what I have to say because failbook thinks "top stories" should be the default viewing option for your news feed.  I'm not saying I should constantly be a top story in the lives of 200+ people.  I don't have that kind of ego, and frankly I don't have that much important shit to say.  However, of these 200+ people, I've either met them in person, had meaningful electronic communication, or both.  I suppose that's a +1 for failbook.

Onward, toward Twitter!  I have literally NO clue how it happened.  One day, I went from having like 12 followers to the 77 I have now.  No, that's not a lot.  That's about a molecule in the drop in the bucket.  But so far, it seems to be quality over quantity.  I've had brief (by character limit) interactions with MANY people.  A lot of em were rappers.  Bukshot in Louisville, Yasko in Phoenix, Julie Juice in Pittsburgh, DJ Bad Daddy in England somewhere (LOL Sorry bud!).  I've conversed for hours with Simlev of Krokmiten, a Canadian death metal band.  This weekend has been especially monumental in my short twitter tenure.  I've been followed back by Ryu from Styles of Beyond as well as by the one and only Necro.  Yeah.  The sickest fuck on the planet Earth, as declared on the Prefix For Death album, followed random ass guy Me.  This afternoon, The one and only Ripgut Cannibal himself, Brotha Lynch Hung and I were shit talking each other about football. On top of all that, fans of these musicians have decided to tune in to what I have to say, and other musicians see that I follow one musician or another and follow me to get their own name out.  Rappers like Big Kurt, who've worked with some of the sickest in the business.  Other random ass people, which SEEMS kinda strange but actually works out pretty well, such as sharing grief over the Seahawks loss with Mr. Charles Koh.  Or educators like Carla McNeil, a business coach for social media.

Don't get me wrong.  My twitter feed is pretty much split into thirds between sports, music, and softcore porn, with just enough splattered humanity to make me feel a little less like a degenerate.. which is just about fuckin perfect!

Should you ever catch the twitter bug, feel free to look me up.  @Grizzlybear503 is the user name.  If you're more into Facebook, I'm Pete Tobias.  Should you find more than one Pete Tobias, I'm the only one that uses the Red Hulk as my profile pic. Yeah, the only person in the history of ever to pick up Thor's hammer besides Thor. My only request is that you speak something close enough to English for me to translate it, and I'll follow back or accept the friend request.

Well, thanks for using your eyeballs to read my opinion, humans.  Feel free to comment, follow my blog if you'd like (Yes, I spew random shit.  No fixed topics YET), and do what makes you happy because life is too short to be pissed off all the time.. unless you fuck up trimming your beard.  Then being pissed off is totally legit.  Thankfully I didn't do that today.  See?  Random as hell.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Grown Folks Game

So I was sitting at my desk, listening to some La Coka Nostra and talking to the ex wifey, Ms. Awesome herself.. and some thoughts jumped at me.  Specifically the subject of dating.

Follow me on a little journey on the history of this word, and the ensuing thoughts.

Back in the day, and I'm sure the older folks reading this will just smile and nod, dating was just that.  Dating.  Testing the waters, seeing who you got along well with as opposed to who you got along great with.  Or in some cases, not at all.  It was an educational process of trying to see who out there was worth taking another step forward.

A lot of people got the shit twisted!  I've even been guilty of it myself.  Dating doesn't mean if the girl you're dating decides to give someone else a hug or something that you have the right to whoop this kid for touching your girl.  Why?  She's not yours.  You're dating.  And until the subject of exclusivity is even approached in a positive manner, you don't have shit to say.  If she blows you off, and ends up in the same place with another dude.. you can't even get pissed.  It's not your night.  C'mon son.  Get your head right.  If she says you're just dating and you get all possessive, it's on YOU.  It's not her fault you don't know what she just said.  And that'll probably be the last date unless she's attracted to the special ed type of cat that doesn't know what the hell dating is, or barbarians that get overly possessive.

Now, the second she says "I'm yours", "Yes", or "I do!" that changes things immensely.  Now you have some sort of right to be a little protective.  But until then, calm down!

All the time, I see people posting shit about "I don't wanna be an option.  I wanna be a priority."  We all do! Even my cold-hearted, grouchy ass wants to be some lucky lady's number one soldier!  I'm actually a pretty tender type guy if you give enough of a fuck to peel back the layers and fight through the tears. Lol!  Well, if you want it, EARN IT.  Don't expect a (wo)man to just hand over their heart and their house keys, half the bed, and half their bathroom counter.  Unless of course, you're attracted to the special ed type.

So the next time you see shorty you took out the other night slurpin' spaghetti with another guy on some Lady and the Tramp shit (I dare you to lie and say the spaghetti scene wasn't romantic as hell!) don't get mad.  Smile for her, and move on with your night. Don't wave, don't get mad and start shit.. Just go about your business.  Text her later, and not even with an accusation!  Life's too short to get pissed that you got benched for a play or two.

So for now.. I leave you with some sick ass JMT. :D

"Nosebleed" - Vinnie Paz Ft/RA The Rugged Man

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Meh.. what's really real.

MAN.. After the day I had today, I kinda need to write.  Work this shit out.

My original plan today was to walk to the bank, stop at Bronze Planet for an aqua massage (They don't suck!), then hopefully maybe hit the gym before I had to get ready for work.  BAHAHAHA -- No.

So I woke up stupid late.  I went to bed stupid late, so it just kinda adds up that way.  I actually got to TALK to my girlfriend though.. major awesome.  On my way to the bank I check my finds and whatnot.  Due to not wanting to touch my savings for trivial shit, especially when it's such a trivial amount, and the fact that I had like 37 seconds to get ready for work, it wasn't gonna happen today at all.

Crossing Wallace Road at Glen Creek is always risky unless it's like 4 AM.  Not one single fuck is given at that intersection.  Ever.  So I literally YELLED "Hi!  Your car is three inches from my knee!"  Dude yells at me to get out of the way like it's my fault he wasn't watching for pedestrians.  DAFUQ?!  Douche bag, I'll beat you so bad your momma won't recognize you AND piss on what's left over!  Despite the instant violent urges that turn my blood into a sea of adrenaline I SMILE and offer the advice "Please watch what the fuck you're doing next time, dick." Dude glares and drives up the hill.  Incident ended.  On my way home from the bank, he's BACK at that intersection, and looking all smug at me.  I smile.. in that way that only manages to piss someone off, and motion for him to get out, pull over, whatever.  Despite the fact I got to talk to my girlfriend, I'm ACHING to beat this little snotty bastard!  Nope.  Chuck Testa.  Dude drives away.  Oh well.

I get home JUST in time to hit the shower.  Great!  I can do that, and shave because I'm Lightning McQueen in this piece!  Forgot to put on deodorant, but thankfully, my pits never got to the point tonight that they smelled like anything but soap.  LEGIT!!  Shit.. I should do that now.  Be right back.  Ok.. all better.  Anyway, while I'm in the shower, I make a rookie mistake and catch my yam bag JUST WRONG with the razor.  GREAT!  Meh, it's just blood.  I got to TALK to Tish today.  Fuck it.  I win. So I throw clothes on and head to the bus stop.

While I'm at the bus stop, I express my displeasure with people inviting me to events on nights I work.  Come on people.  My schedule hasn't changed THAT much.  It was the same for a solid year.  ONE day changed.  Not hard to keep track of, and I've expressed that I don't want event invites repeatedly.  Learn some fucking respect.  Anyway, I actually thanked one of the local event promoters for deleting me on Facebook.  I don't care about Facebook, or shit that happens on work nights so I was genuinely pleased.  ....the bitch got mouthy.  I tell her to choke on a bag of dicks AND fuck herself with a cactus. As a result she quips that I have no friends (mostly true), I have no life (entirely true), and I'm just jealous because I work on weekends (Entirely false in terms of being jealous.) and that I'm "truly a freak psycho fatty and should be blocked".

Yeah, I'm a freak.  Much like everyone else, I have certain fetishes I enjoy.  Also, I don't try to fit in with a fucked up society full of morons and drunks.  I work around them.  I don't wanna join them.  That would be dumb.

Yeah, I'm kinda crazy.  I don't much care about my own well being.  That isn't to say I don't wanna be able to afford things and live a healthy lifestyle.  I just really don't care if I get sick or injured.  I've never placed much value in that sort of thing.  Does it suck?  Yeah, but it's usually temporary.  Whatever.  Adapt!  That's what humans do.  I also have off-the-charts anger issues, I'm extremely antisocial, and have a really hard time giving a damn about just about anything.

And yes, I'm fat.  I see it every morning, I admit it at least once a day, and I've dealt with it MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE!  I'm also working on changing that because I'm over it.  Whatever.  Does having it thrown in my face help my day get better, no.  Does it hurt having it thrown in my face?  LOL NO.  Like I said.  I've been overweight in the eyes of a society full of stick figures I could break over my knee like kindling for 32 and a half years.  Sometimes, it has it's benefits.  I can make some pretty funny comments when someone asks why I work the door at work.  "Bitch, I AM the door!"  True story.  I use my size as an advantage, and I know how to move myself to make me an immovable object.  You think you're moving this 285 pound asshole if I don't want you to?  No, I don't either.  I'd rather outsmart someone (And believe me, I can.), but if I gotta get physical.. just fucking run.  And when you do, I won't chase you.  Just realize you were right in doing so.

So I get downtown.  I'm trying to text Tish (She's busy) and texting Kat/Kayte/bitchface (LOL <3).  She goes by either of the first two.  Anyway.. EVERY SINGLE PERSON I CROSS PATHS WITH decides that I'm the guy they wanna talk to.  So I do my best to be subtle, bury myself in my phone.  Subtle doesn't work, and I'm getting really grumpy, really fast.  Even when I literally stop responding in any way shape or form.. still with the blah blah blah.  One, I literally growled at.  "Stop.. fucking.. speaking."  I dunno if you caught that earlier, but I'm REALLY antisocial.  So if a conversation with me could save your life and we've never met before then... lol you're dead, and I really don't care.

BUT!  Now I'm tired as hell and I have a headache.  So I leave you with a link to a song I connect with more than I connect with most people.

"The Animal" -- Disturbed

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Discrimination Against Pedestrians?

Its been nearly two years since I had a car.  For the most part, I get around ok.  I can take a bus, a cab, or just walk when I need to go somewhere.  It's no big deal to me.  However, I've found that as a pedestrian there's a lot of discrimination, and a preference toward people with cars.

Issue number one:
Places that close the lobby early, but keep the drive-through window open.  Banks, restaurants, etc.  It can be justified with the fact they need the time to clean the lobby before they close, especially in the case of restaurants.  I get that.  However, everywhere I've worked had a shift where person A closed the lobby, person B closed the back, and the manager did the paperwork.  Whoever finished their closing tasks last stayed until the manager was done.  Considering the fact that after the dinner rush, keeping the lobby clean is super easy, closing the lobby early just doesn't make sense.  In the case of banks, the tellers don't even clean the lobby.  They have a cleaning crew to do that for them.  Maybe it's to lower labor costs, but it still sucks.  especially if you have to make a deposit, need money right away, and have to use the ATM.

Issue number two:
Coffee shacks.  As was the case today during my adventures, the coffee slangin' person was blissfully ignorant of my presence.  When I knocked on the window, it was ignored.  I walked around the front to see if there was even anyone in there and the girl was in the back, playing on her laptop so I knocked again.  She decided it was a great time to do dishes.  Dafuq?!  I saw that the drive-up window.. CLOSEST TO THE REGISTER (Which was within reach.. way to go smart bitch..) was open so I peeked my head in and informed her I'd been waiting outside to order for about five minutes.  She looked at me like I'd just crapped on her front porch and shoved her chair under the desk/counter/wtf-ever and walked up front.  Literally asked me "Well, what do you want?" Now, I had options.  I could have told her to pleasure herself with a cactus.  I SHOULD have, honestly.  However, Coffee In Motion closed at 6, Dutch Bros. is freakin terrible, and I dislike Starbucks as a company.  Thus, I ordered my drink.  A six shot white chocolate Americano with cream on ice.  She made it as fast (and poorly) as she possibly could have - I had to stir the chocolate into it with my straw - took my money (Which did NOT include a tip.  First time in years I haven't tipped my coffee pusher.), and walked away without thanking me, nor even a "see ya later!".  Just walked off.  Snotty bitch.  Had she not had the window open, I probably would have been waiting even longer or just walked off without coffee.  Sorry I disturbed your Facebook session.  There HAVE been time I've gone to Dutch Bros. without a car.  Specifically for blackberry red bull.  It's pretty good!  When I did (Back when I lived on Wallace Rd), it didn't take very long to get noticed at the walk-up window, but my presence there scared the hell out of the coffee pimp.  I can't count the times I'd be standing there, patiently, with a pleasant smile, and literally scared the piss out of the employees.  Back then, I had bus routes and times down!  I had to be at the bus stop, ready to go, by either X:15 or X:45 so I'd get there about 6 minutes early.  That gave me time to finish the cigarette I lit walking out of my house, get a blackberry red bull (I WON'T drink their foul brew.  Yuck.), finish it, and get on the bus.  There were times that I was literally ignored until just before the bus stopped and since you can't take soft-sided containers (AKA coffee stand cups) I would just walk away shaking my head and get on the bus.  Usually, the coffee pimp would ask if I wanted something, and I'd respond with "Yeah, five minutes ago when I had time to drink it.  Have a nice day."

Issue number Three:
Idiot drivers.  Note to all you brainless whelps:  Look BOTH ways before you leave the driveway, turn on a red, etc.  If I had a nickel for every time I'd nearly been hit by some scumbag just watching for oncoming cars instead of looking both ways, I could probably buy the bar I'm currently employed at.  I put my life on the line more often by not having a two thousand pound, motorized suit of armor than most professions that expect to be shot at!  And that's just by walking to McDonalds!  In fact, it happened twice today on my way to pay my storage unit and once yesterday walking to the bus line after a cigarette.  The latter instance the lady literally was inches from taking out my right knee and looked at me like I did something wrong for following the traffic signals!

Now, I'm not hating on people with cars, nor bitching about my lack thereof.  But if this blog post enlightens someone (especially one of you brainless whelps that doesn't watch for pedestrians), then I'm glad to have made a difference. Driving is a privilege, not a right.  Not everyone has that privilege.  Just keep those that don't in mind at intersections and your place of business.

And if you drink and drive, I hope you get popped for it every time it happens. :)

HAVE NICE DAY!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Local rappers READ THIS SHIT..

Ok, ok.  I gotta do this.  I hear a LOT of local rap.  A LOT.  And I love you kids for trying!  I do!  But seriously, some of y'all need HELP.  Others, just put the goddamn mic down because spittin' is NOT a good look for you.  I'm not gonna point fingers, name names.. that's a dick move.  Just sayin'.. after you read this post and listen to the link I just provided you, be objective.  I'll see you in a few minutes.

Smart rhymes.. analyze it.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ID3ko66HIts)

Ok, you back with me?  Good.  I'm not sayin' your style sucks if you're not a chopper.  I'm sayin' all these cats, especially Kali and Godemis in this example, spit some of the smartest rhymes I've ever heard.  Yeah, Kali chops HARD.  But if you listen to the words, the meanings, the way they connect.. the multis, the metaphors.  Just technically sound rhymes!  If your style isn't TECHNICALLY SOUND, get back in the lab and fix it!  And please, for the love of the Gods, pass this on.  The 503 deserves to sound NICE, not retarded. 

For the record, it's been a decade and change since I wrote anything seriously.

For the record, I could pull out a head sheet from the 90's or mid2000's and fuckin murk with it. 

No, I won't battle you.  Keep your ego, and embrace some self preservation.  Who wants to get bodied by an old ass man in front of their friends?!

That said, I'm sure you want me to prove it.  Gimme a beat and I'ma leave it in ashes.  Get at me.. True speaks, I'm doin' this because I love the 503, I got respect for those who actually PURSUE these pipe dreams.  I'm not just being a judgmental asshole.  I'm trying to HELP YOU! 

I'ma leave you with something to vibe to though, just as a present.  You thought I was just gonna pull your cards and not do something nice for ya?  Come on.. LOL!


It's All that I Know
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4CEdeE8D5Q)

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Can't take a break!

It's been a while since my last post.  Figure I'll throw out an update.  Here's how things go in the world of Pete lately.

Much to the chagrin of quite a few people (Hi haters. <3) Tish and I are together.  I might do some stupid shit sometimes, but I love her more than life.  True Story.

I'm looking to move.  NOW.  It sucks.  I hate moving.  But I can't afford this apartment by myself.  Steve has helped with cleaning and groceries, which has been HUGE, but financially, I just can't cover it anymore by myself.  I'm not upset with anyone about it.  The only one I have a right to be upset with is myself for not working harder.  I'm going out to Valley Brook tomorrow to apply.  They have an open unit. that fits my needs.  Also, I have an email out to the manager of the place I moved out of when mom got sick.  My old apartment is open.  That would be FANTASTIC.  $450 a month, still with Salem Electric, and I should get decent signal for my Clear modem.  As of tomorrow, I'm helping mom move Steve's stuff.  This translates to a need to get my ass up early, get out to Valley Brook, and be BACK HOME by 3:30-4:00.  I can do this!

I'm still looking for more work, or better work.  As I said before, I don't give a damn who signs the paychecks as long as there's numbers on it.  Preferably BIG numbers, but if I can't pull that off, I'll be reasonably happy about just adding more numbers to what I already get.  However, with this move in progress, I'm gonna see where I end up before I do any more pavement pounding.  Makes no sense to get myself a job here then move out south, or just move a few blocks and get another job out by the bar.  I just know I have about 48 hours to pull off a miracle.

Yes, without a car, most of my house/job hunting has been done via the internet and hasn't turned up jack in the work department.  It kinda works though because just about everything requires that you apply online these days.

Anyway, I'm off to send more emails.  Wish me luck!

Monday, March 26, 2012

To Whom It May Concern Pt. 2 - Repentance

Yesterday's blog was just to vent.  Entirely full of frustration.  I let shit get out of hand and rather than handling it properly I went all berserk on my keyboard and spat venom until I literally destroyed my life.  Am I still frustrated by the same things?  Yes.  It's nobody's fault but my own though.  I resolved last night with my angel and my brother to make some serious positive changes. 

Yes, I'm the world's worst house keeper.  Object one on the fix it list.  Steve and I have decided that what two grown ass men can accomplish in one hour can move mountains.  Well, there's mountains of shit to do around here, so we're moving a mountain a day.

I'm so out of shape it's ridiculous.  After we move mountains in the house, we're going next door to the gym to literally move a mountain. 

I need a damn job!  I'm devoting at least an hour a day to finding one.  Seems pathetic right?  Grizzly bears can accomplish tons of things in an hour.  Especially this one. 

Last but not least.  In fact, possibly most!  I'm sorry angel.  I let my anger get the best of me, and rather than communicate directly with you, I went all bug-fuck and spit venom into the world. 

Sunday, March 25, 2012

To whom it may concern..

Rage post was full of rage.. Venting accomplished.  Wrecked my fucking life with it.  Took until 3 AM to fix it.  Time to rebuild.  New post imminent.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

"Furlow Days?! WTF?!"

That pair of questions actually came out of my mouth the other day when my girl used the phrase.  For those not familiar, I'm about to learn ya.

When used by the Salem-Keizer School District, a Furlow Day is a day used to ease the financial pain of maintaining a full school year in order to remain cost effective and still provide education for the kids. 

I'm told that these happen fairly often. 

I believe that teachers should be paid an amazing salary (They aren't, btw.) because they work directly with our children.  Our children are our future.  Plain and simple.  When the Old Boys (and girls) die off, retire, whatever, our children are the ones that will be taking over the world.  Literally.  I firmly believe that if you work directly with the kids, you deserve exceptional amounts of money. 

That said, it's my thought that the school board is vastly overpaid.  If the teachers aren't getting paid what they deserve (at least in my opinion) and they still can't afford to keep the schools open every day they're supposed to, there's a HUGE issue. 

What could these issues be?

Lack of funding?  It better not be.  Our taxes increase yearly.  If our money is being funneled elsewhere, that's entirely garbage.  It's also likely true.

Increased overhead?  I might buy into this one.  With rising energy costs, and so many schools to accommodate a breeding explosion comparable only to a virus (Thanks Agent Smith for that metaphor), along with the cost of supplies, textbooks, and things of that nature, I could see this being a legitimate complaint. 

The school board is paid EXORBITANT salaries, and gigantic bonuses on top of that?  DING DING!  I think we have a winner.  Yes, these people earn their money by dictating what our kids learn, how often they learn it, and make decisions regarding the safety and education of our children.  I believe this is a service worth paying for, but not even close to the extent we're paying now. 

So what are our options as parents? 

We can embrace this (in my opinion) negative change and enjoy the extra time we get to spend with our children.  Not the worst idea ever, despite my opinion, because every second I get to spend with Cyris and Ninja is precious to me.  Especially with Cy, whom I rarely get to see. 

Deprive our children of the social aspect of school and teach them ourselves at home.  I do like this idea because of the time we get to spend with the kids, but as I mentioned, it does deprive them of the social aspect of school, which is almost as important as the curriculum itself. 

We can do some social engineering, demand alteration of the school board's collective salary, remove the ability to grant themselves bonuses at a whim..

Either way we go as parents, I think we might be kinda screwed. Your thoughts?

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Is a real life Idiocracy not only feasible, but imminent?

Before I even get started, if you haven't seen the movie Idiocracy go now.  Do it.  This will still be here when the movie's over. 

Back from Netflix?  Fantastic!  Let's get to it. 

On a daily basis, through various mediums I'm exposed daily to just how badly our society (as a general blanket statement) has regressed.  We've gone from grunting cave dwellers that paint on our walls with blood and flowers to the architects of legendary monolithic skyscrapers on a regular basis.  We've gone from the abacus to building computers that are actually smarter than we are (Watson.  Google it.). And yet every day, there's some blast of utter stupidity.  Are we truly the last generation of people capable of using their brains?!  In my current employment, I deal with many 20-something individuals.  On a one to one basis, they're pretty solid.  They're still kids comparatively, and party as hard as they work.  Nothing wrong with that at all.  But once in a while, there's something that gnaws at me like a thorn in this old bear's paw. 

Ok, maybe my title was a little extreme.  But I do feel that people have forgotten the meaning of discretion.  The fact that despite the social networking sites, there's some things people just try to keep private.  Discretion is a lost art to most.  Just yesterday on a friend's status post about going to a bar in Keizer, Oregon for quarter beers, one of their friends was like "THOTT U WER PREGGO?!" Obviously, if she went for quarter beers, she's not knocked up.  She's not that stupid.  I'm also fairly sure she thanks you for having so much faith in her intelligence. 

Seriously, if as a species we're losing such crucial parts of human interaction as respect and discretion, I'm truly frightened what's next.  I'm also terribly scared of the days when we're revered as geniuses in history books nobody will know how to read while people water their crops with energy drinks, staring at someone like they're high when they suggest using water.  "But it has electrolytes." 

Maybe the title wasn't so extreme after all..

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Holy hell, it's been a while!

So much has happened in the last few weeks.  Whirlwind of change style.  Go ahead and grab your coffee, monster, soda.. oh hell, it's lunch time for most of you.  I just crawled out of bed!  iFail!  Remix!  Grab your cheeseburgers, tacos, or whatever mad scientist alchemy you can pull out of your fridge and buckle in.  Ready?  LET'S GO!!

Major happenings!

I've reconnected with the one woman that truly makes me feel whole.  She's literally my other half.  My drive, my happiness, my pride and joy.. my angel.  This brings me happiness beyond measure!  I'm still the same ol' me.  I should still come with a warning label that says "CAUTION:  I do dumb things!" but to prove to her that she means so much to me, I'm making a huge effort to cut down on my stupidity.  I'm also making a massive effort to break out of the stagnant shell I was wearing.  I was a TERRIBLE house keeper (Working on it!), I work about fifteen hours a week.. come the fuck on!  I need income!  I cheated on her about a bazillion times.. never again.  In fact, when my friend (an ex girlfriend) said she really needed a place to stay, I consulted her before I even sent a reply... and it was her that sent the reply, not me.  Yeah, she's a keeper.  I intend to behave accordingly!

That brings me to the new roommate!  She was entirely up shit's creek without a paddle.  I'll leave the situation for her to discuss if she decides you need to hear about it.  It wasn't cool at all.  Since my brother had been living with his girlfriend for quite a while, I asked if he minded cleaning his room up so that I could offer her a place to stay.  He one-upped me and actually moved 90% of his stuff out.  Part of that was a miscommunication, because other people were trying to handle my business (A direct result of him not responding to my texts except for a phone call a few days later.. par for the course for the guy.  He's pretty busy lately.) and we've since talked, and I explained that to him.  BUT!  I have a roomie that pays bills, and I rarely see, even when she's here.  The latter part is because she likes to have a place to hide and decompress, but she says it's to stay out of my way.  How much in my way can someone get?!  I go room to fridge/coffee pot to computer.  That's about it, unless I'm either going to work or looking FOR work, and most jobs post their openings online now which works out marvelously for me.

My book has been COMPLETELY neglected, unfortunately.  I'm working on fixing that too.  I started writing the other day, but the words were coming very slow due to massive distractions.  My phone was going off, I wasn't listening to the right music I usually write to, and then my girlfriend came over.  Not very beneficial to productivity, but if I said I wasn't ecstatic about it, I'd be lying.

I realized through a bit of spelunking on my favored spiritual website that I've actually been taking a Year and a Day class!  Yes, this means I'll be paying much more attention to "Day X - Subject".  I caught up ENTIRELY last night, save for consecrating some "holy water".  As I don't have a container with a lid that fits the description, if I'm going to need it for something, I'll plan a few days in advance. This also alters my consciousness a little in other ways.  Typically, I viewed Sundays as my day to screw off due to the quote "Sunday is the day of rest."  Well, now it's "Saturday is the day to play." 

On my birthday, I plan to begin the "No Excuses Workout", also offered by Old Ways.  You can find this at http://oldways.com/features/noexcuses.html and watching Jeffrey's transformation has been rather incredible.  That tells me that it works!  Happy Monday to me! 

Oh yeah.. I turn 32 Monday.  No big deal, but I think my angel and my brother are conspiring.  We'll see what happens. I'm not so big on my own birthday.  Last year was the first birthday party I'd had since I was 17 and sold my Super Nintendo to get a half gallon of vodka.. which I drank by myself.  I didn't even tear it up on my 21st, just went out with my dad for a few drinks.  I'll be pouring out a Guinness Extra Stout on Monday in his memory.  If you ever met the man, I invite you to do the same.  That was his favorite. 

My intent for today -
Go outside and welcome today, express my intent to the sun, and thank the sun and the day for coming.  Come back inside, read today's lesson, then get to work.  My plan is to scour Craigslist for suitable jobs, then hit a few websites.  My aim for a new job is something part to full time to supplement my current income rather than replacing my job at the bar.  I know I can handle two jobs, so why the hell shouldn't I?  After spending at least two hours looking for work, I'll dig into some housework and try to catch up the festering mess that is my apartment.  I know I can get at least the carpets done today, and I'll go over the parts of my house that are already clean as maintenance.  After housework, I plan to finish writing at least the chapter I started on Friday, and possibly bang out a second. 

I leave you readers with a random observation that I meant to actually write about last night.

My roomie bought a loaf of French bread the other day to eat with her dinner.  I openly admit I've had a few slices myself. lol YUM!  Anyway, Friday, she left it out of the bag, and the cut end was starting to dry up.  Like rock hard starting to dry up.  I poked the top, there was no give at all.  No awesome fresh bread squish.  Having grown up dirt poor, this initially frustrated me to no end.  YOU DON'T WASTE FOOD!!  But then I stopped and thought about it.  The hard part couldn't be very deep after only two days.  I cut a few small slices off, maybe an eighth of an inch thick until I found the squishy bits.  I thought about saving those for croutons, but the likelihood of me eating a salad in the next few days is imaginary.  Sadly, that's two wasted slices of bread.  On the bright side, the tougher crust from being exposed to air surrenders even better to a good knife and the bread holds up it's shape when you slice it instead of squishing!  I might actually do this to EVERY partial loaf of French bread that enters the house.  Especially if I plan on a salad on day two!

Well, that's it for today!  Blessed be, thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Happy Holidays from the NBA? I'm on board!

After a whole lot of work lost to greed on both ends, the NBAPA and the league owners came together and made it happen.  We won't lose the whole season.  In fact, the 66-game season starts tomorrow.  Merry Christmas from the NBA right?  Hell yes, I'd say!  I've always said football was my first love.  It's true, to humanize these sports, football's my wife.  She's been with me since day one, always had my back.. but she knows about my secret on the side flame I see when I'm out of town.  Basketball.  Yeah, sports are that serious to me.  So when the NBA lockout cost us about four months of sports, news, and ultimately happiness, I was PISSED.  Now?  I'm excited.. on the edge of my seat with misty eyes.  That said, what am I looking for out of this season?  I'll tell you.

I've been a Kevin Garnett fan since he was drafted.  Now, he's an old ass man by NBA standards, but until he's traded or retired I'm screaming GO CELTICS!  I know for a fact their window of opportunity slammed shut.  KG can't hack it nearly as well anymore.  Ray Allen's still killing it, legitimately the best shooter in the NBA.  Paul Pierce is aging too.  He can carry a team, and he's the heart and soul of the C's, but he's showing his age from doing exactly that until they picked up KG and Ray Allen. I understand the philosophy of picking up the aging vets that have proven themselves, but it's time the Celtics go young.  That said.. my pick for the east is Miami (again).  D-Wade, King James, and Chris Bosh together just serve to legitimize the fact that NBA teams need a three horse stable these days to compete, and these three young men are some of the best at what they do.  I love my Celtics, and I have MAJOR respect for the Bulls, but Miami's going to the finals again.

The Western Conference is a whole different breed.  There's so much parity in the West it makes the NFL look sloppy (Parity is why they moved Seattle to the NFC West, btw).  The perennial powerhouses are still in tact:  The Lakers look great.  The Spurs are showing their age, but still getting the job done.  Dallas is gonna be a tough team for anyone this year.  Portland made some key pick-ups too, and they're my Home team.  If you've never been to the Rose Garden for an important Western Conference match-up, you haven't LIVED.  But there's upstarts.. Insurgents if you will.  The perma-struggling Clippers now have that three horse stable I mentioned.  Blake Griffin, Chris Paul, and DeShawn Jordan.  That's two VERY good big fellas in the paint, and one of the most dangerous point guards in the NBA, along with Eric Gordon at the 2.  I'm sold.. In fact, I think the Clippers will make the playoffs this year.  However, I very strongly feel that the West is gonna come down to two teams.  Dallas and (Drum roll please...) MINNESOTA!  That's right.  Our Lake Oswego native, Kevin Love, who showed stellar play last season, averaging a double-double (I think he was averaging 17 PPG and 15 RPG) and currently holds the longest streak of double-doubles in the NBA, got himself an amazing little Spaniard.  Ricky Rubio's young, flashy, and absolutely brilliant in what I've seen of him.  Even showboating like he's playing on the black top, Rubio's play looks fluid, effortless, and most importantly, EFFECTIVE.  While my last NBA post mentioned wanting to see Kevin Love come home to Portland (I still wanna see that, by the way!) he's a great fit for the Timberwolves.  Face of the franchise in the post-KG era.  I wish him nothing but the best, and if Rubio keeps up the amazing level of play he showed in the preseason and in Spain, they'll have an amazing season.

This also gives me an idea for tomorrow's blog!  Stay tuned.

Societal Rejects: Why I want to hit them like they're grown men.. and can't. :(

Preface:  Pardon my language.. or don't.  I really don't give a shit right now, and I'm not gonna censor myself.  If you can't handle that, this is a great time to stop reading.

The cause of this whole frustrated post is a very simple action:  The Sack Tap. 

Typically reserved for good friends when you're feeling exceptionally spiteful, or malicious lovers that wanna see you squirm (You know who you are. ;)).  It can be performed forehand or backhand and either way, it really kinda sucks.  Who likes getting hit in the balls with anything other than female parts mid-coitus? 

When you should NOT sack tap someone:  When they're already a mutual dislike and alcohol involved. 

Seriously, what the FUCK kind of childish idiot, knowing (or not.. who knows?) that the only logical reaction to getting smacked in the nuts is for the recipient to try to cave your stupid-looking face in, thinks that this is a good idea?!  If you two already don't like each other, start with a KICK to the nuts.  Boom.  Game over.  Am I right fellas?  But to just tap a guy in the nuts hard enough to be a mild annoyance, you're gonna get mashed on.  Hard.  Like you have a pair yourself, which you obviously fucking DON'T or you would have just socked the other guy in the mouth. 

This is supposed to be the happiest time of year.  People enjoy the company of their families (Assuming they have some), give and receive gifts, and feast like Gods!  Instead, as Christmas draws closer, people seem to want to fight that much more.  I'm sorry, but that tells me that your life just plains SUCKS in your opinion.  Wanna borrow mine?  I thrive on stress that would cause most people ulcers or drive them to drugs.  I deal with so much emotional pain from deaths and other losses that a lot of other people would have already figured out exactly what the barrel of their favorite pistol tastes like a hundred times over.. and repainted their ceiling by suck-starting the damn thing.  I still wake up at least twice a week and grab the phone to call my mom.. and she's IN A FUCKING URN.  Everybody wave to the pretty ocean scene on top of my entertainment center.  So forgive me if I have so little compassion left for your petty bullshit that all I wanna do is hit you people like you're grown men.  I just wish people would act like they really are grown folks.

So ask yourself, why is it that I haven't ground your faces into the parking lot until they're just pulp on the concrete?  The answer is simple.

I have bills to pay, and I can't do that from a prison cell. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Very not productive!!

Ended up taking yesterday off from writing too.  Had to run some errands, pay some bills, and then Cy came over.  I definitely needed some father-son time more than I needed to write!  We hung out, talked, played some video games, watched a couple movies.  Doing it all over again today!  Maybe when he goes home I'll dig in and get something written.  Maybe I'll say screw it, it's Yule.  Guess I'll figure that out later.

Either way, Blessed Yule (Or whatever it is YOU celebrate), and thanks for reading!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

So.. I feel like an asshole.

After a lengthy period of uncertainty, I finally committed to attend my niece's 16th birthday party. For some societal reason I've never researched, the 16th birthday is incredibly important to young women. I plotted, planned, tried to budget so that I could get to work from the party.. and failed. I barely had enough to get to work from home that night and get some much needed food before starting my shift.

I feel like such a dick. I raised the hopes of many, including myself. All of these people, myself included, were let down. I'm in the rare possession of a vocabulary that rivals that of a thesaurus, and I lack the proper words to express how sorry I am that I couldn't make it.

I find it strangely fitting that as I type this, "Walk With Me In Hell" by Lamb of God is kicking the ever-loving crap out of my eardrums.

Also, I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I haven't had the smallest bit of luck figuring this reason out, but when I do it's likely to be some sort of cosmic kick to the nuts.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Chapter One: It's rare an artist displays his masterpiece before it's done. I'm a rare beast. lol

From the upcoming novel "Of Claws and Blood" by Pete Tobias.

Chapter One
From Tragedy Comes A Terrible Heroism

The sun shone down brilliantly through the removed top of the Jeep as Anthony traversed the winding mountain roads. His focus wasn't entirely on the road, but enough to keep the leisurely paced vehicle in it's place. The distraction was only partial, as he wasn't entirely invested in the half hearted singing of "Bulletproof" as Five Finger Death Punch roared through the speakers. Anthony's melodic tenor seemed to accompany Ivan Moody's gruff tones almost perfectly, but he was more the type that just sung along on drives and in the shower. Anthony Peterson wasn't searching for fame and fortune, or even expression through artistry. He was a hard working blue-collar type. More at home with an ax in his hand than the spotlight shining brilliantly on his rugged, weathered face. Anthony had been the foreman on a local logging crew for a couple years now, having busted his ass from his time as a greenhorn up to heading his own crew. This was a fact he was most proud of, but he was also conflicted. The idea of destroying the forest had never set well with him, and while it took considerable doing he convinced the owner to expand his business to planting new trees during the off-season. This not only helped the environment, but guaranteed work for generations. The mountains had always resonated strongly with him, so even when he wasn't working he was there. Camping out to partake of all kinds of outdoor sports was a regular thing, and stretched back to his youth. As he stubbed out the remnants of a Marlboro Smooth in his ash tray - something he frequently caught a ribbing for since "only black guys smoke menthols" - he pulled the jeep over and came to a stop.

"What the hell was that?"

A flash of mottled brown the size of a truck had sprinted across the road in a blur of speed twenty yards ahead. Fingers nervously wrapped around the grip of the .357 permanently tucked in the glove box. It had saved his bacon more than once, and only one time with anything more drastic than a warning shot. There was still meat in his freezer from that day, but he found it difficult to eat. Killing wasn't in Anthony's nature. He could do it only out of self preservation. He wasn't a vegetarian, but if he had to do the slaughtering that was an animal likely to be set free. The jeep was stationary for what felt like an eternity. Two of the longest minutes in his life, or probably anyone's for that matter. Finally, his grip was released on the weapon and the jeep crawled into motion. Wide-open hazel eyes scanned the forest on both sides of the vehicle as he drove past the spot where the massive creature - was it a creature? - had entered the treeline. This lack of focus proved costly. Anthony hadn't even noticed the rapidly approaching truck behind him, it's driver's eyes closed as bliss overcame him, euphoria destroying any hope of a reaction as a wave of pleasure wracked his body and he filled the mouth of a lot lizard from the local truck stop with his seed. She was a new one, and very ski--

"OH SHIT!"

Just as the man yelled, the initial impact took place. A loud, dull thud followed by the screech of torn metal as the engine compartment collapsed. Bolts sheared as momentum pushed the old truck forward into the back of the jeep, shoving the engine through the firewall to splinter every bone in his legs. The man's lower body was reduced to pulp in a matter of just half a second. The woman's skull erupted in a spray of blood and gray matter as hot steel destroyed flesh and bone as the engine continued through on its path of destruction. The man simply stared in helpless awe at the carnage that he'd become. That his lust had created. His expression never changed as he rapidly bled out through a tangle of shredded flesh and displaced organs.

Anthony's attention was brought back to the here and now by another man's voice just in time for his jeep to be catapulted forward like the graceful bound of a large cat. None of the wheels remained on the ground as the jeep flew forth, the right front fender smashing into a tree to create a ricochet. Anthony's body gave up against the immense strain, going limp as he fell unconscious. The jeep bounced off the tree into a spin, and rolled as it landed, finally coming to rest on it's roll cage about ten feet off the road on the opposite side. His unconscious mind was aware that he was moving, just not how, or where to.

Slowly, eyelids raised to reveal a scene he'd never expected. He was sheltered beneath the roots of a fallen free with a small fire burning just far enough away that he wouldn't accidentally roll into it. The warm wet feeling in both shins slowly made itself known as mental acuity slowly returned, bringing about the urge to sit up. The effort required to sit up was too much, and a pain crashed through his nerves with the force of a hurricane. Anthony was a tough man, but in the face of this pain he screamed. He cared not for who heard, just hoped, prayed that this pain would subside. His neck had made a rather horrible crunch sound as he'd fallen from the shredded seat belt, but he didn't know that. The pain took quite a while to subside and allow him to think of anything else, and when it did, it was suddenly revealed that he was not alone. She was very quiet, weeping in the darkness just outside the light of the fire. Anthony was scared and helpless. He couldn't move, and knew both of his legs were damaged. He feared his neck was broken. The voice that came when he opened his mouth was barely a croak.

"Help me..."

The weeping was instantly a fit of sobbing, wails of remorse howled toward the waxing half moon. Accompanying the lament was footsteps, growing closer. Heavy footfalls even in the soft dirt. The woman revealed by the dim flicker of the fire was beautiful despite her large physical stature. She was nearly six feet tall, and probably close to a solid two hundred and fifty pounds. While her stature was abnormal, it was certainly impressive. Each muscle was sculpted as if she'd been carved from granite. Her nudity, the streaks of dirt her tears created, these were lost on a reeling mind. Anthony knew one thing. This woman would take care of him while he healed. The roar of pain in his right shin was already dimming to a dull throb, feeling as though his flesh had been penetrated by teeth. Lots of large teeth, meant for tearing meat.

"I'm sorry.. I had no choice. You'd die if I didn't!"

She fell to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Her torso shaking violently with each gasp of air that fueled her endless expression of sorrow. Anthony's questions fell on deaf ears no matter how loudly he asked, answered only with further apologies. Finally, the woman brought herself under control. The sobbing ceased, replaced with mild sniffles. Rather than standing, she crawled the remaining distance bewteen them and laid beside Anthony.

"My name was Desirae. Now I'm known as Rock Dancer of the Bloodfang Tribe. You're very wounded. I've splinted and bandaged your broken leg, and your neck will be sore for days. Your right leg.. I'm very sad to have altered your life so much. Before I explain, you should drink."

The woman tugged on a thin cord, bringing about a leather pouch from behind her. The knot was untied, and a thin tube was placed to his lips. Anthony use this as a straw instinctively though if he knew he was drinking from the bladder of a fallen foe through their urethra, this may have never happened. Desirae raised the pouch to allow the fresh spring water to flow toward Anthony's mouth and he drank hungrily until he gasped, his handled gently cradled in her free hand. She smiled down upon him as the tube was taken from his mouth.

"As I promised, I'll explain what's going to happen and when. Then you'll be introduced to the Tribe. My kind is known as Stone Sentinels. We guard the mountains, protect our sacred land from poachers. We aid anyone within our lands if it fits with our ideals. I've seen you with your crew, and though you destroy, you also rebuild. Otherwise, you'd be dying in your jeep from blood loss."

She tapped very gently on the broken leg, bringing the wet feeling of spilled blood to the forefront in his mind.

"My tribe lives as bears. Honestly, we may have a use for you in the urban world. If the Elders will it, you will comply. Otherwise, you'll be killed, and my efforts will have been in vain. Please don't let this happen."

Desirae - Rock Dancer, continued with her explanation of what was to happen, and how Anthony's wounds would be healed. He fought so hard to assimilate all this knowledge, and in the end, he retained only one thing. His life would change in about a week. A week he was doomed to spend at Rock Dancer's mercy in the woods. Time passed, Anthony at Rock Dancer's mercy, though she was fiercely protective and very nurturing. She told him what to expect, and the nightmares she described to him happened nightly with increasing detail and brutality. Finally, it came. The night he was promised that everything would change.

The night of the full moon.

My next endeavor: Becoming a published author, and the journey this entails.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to write a book. I'm going to write a bad ass book. One full of fictional, brutal violence, love, justice, chaos, sex, vengeance, well you get the picture I hope.

Of all fantasy creatures, I've always felt a strong resonance with (as dubbed by White Wolf) the Gurahl. The were-bear. A shape-shifter with the capability to become a bear, or a giant mixture of man and bear. This is to become the main character.

This isn't my first effort at writing a book. This IS my first SERIOUS effort though. Now, I'll list the challenges I need to overcome to make this happen, and how I plan to do so.

I'm no college graduate. Hell, I never went except for Basketball 101 which was basically just an excuse to go play ball with Steve until the instructor moved him to Basketball 102. I plan to overcome this by using my otherworldly command of the English language to my benefit. I might have failed English in high school every semester, but my vocabulary and descriptive ability are beyond that of most. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I have experience in typing up the most incredible descriptions of various situations that I'm capable of by way of text-based role play in AOL chat rooms for a little over a decade.

Fear of being rejected. A human instinct these days. It's sad but true. I plan to conquer this with my unbridled tenacity. I'm going to put myself and my work out there. If you don't like it, that's fine. If you don't like ME, that's fine too. But for everyone that dislikes me or my efforts, there's a hundred people that will be left on the edge of their seat begging for more. Yeah. All I do is win baby. Even when I fail, I still win because I tried. Can YOU say that? I truly hope you can.

Time. Period, plain, and simple. This is going to take some time to get the ball rolling. Especially to the degree I want now. The degree of success I desire will grow exponentially as I invest more time and energy into this project. I don't want the world on a silver platter. Dirt tastes gross. I do like the idea though already. LOL.

Speaking of time.. it's time I set foot to this path and stomp all over it like I own the world.

No, I won't be publishing a blog tomorrow. Just reread this one. It'll still apply.

Oh goodness, Pete didn't write yesterday?!

No, I sure didn't. I couldn't even tell you why I didn't bother to write anything for this morning. Not because I don't truly have a reason, but trust me, you don't really want the details unless you were there.

So as I sit here and ponder a topic for tomorrow, sipping on Mountain Dew Game Fuel (Yes, this time around it's amazing!) and headbanging to "Gematria: The Killing Name" by Slipknot, I figured I'd list (And thus admit) my failures this year. Yeah, even Mr. All I Do Is Win can drop the ball sometimes. These will be listed in order of how they come to mind. If this implies some sort of importance, great? Honestly, it's whatever.

Quitting smoking - I tried to switch to the electronic cigarette this year. Yes, I was still inhaling crap and poisoning myself with nicotine. Compared to cigarettes though, the smell doesn't permeate everything. At least not that I noticed. I'm not sure if I failed because one of the main ingredients was rage, or because I reverted to my typical reaction to ultimatums ("If you feel this strongly about it, let's see what happens when we both stand our ground.") but ultimately as I type this, I have a Marlboro smooth hanging out of my mouth. Calm down, it's not lit. Yet. ;p (Edit - Now it is.)

Quitting drinking - Yeah, I tried to completely throw the bottle into life's great trash can. I no longer drink to excess. In fact, I barely drink at all. An average of two cocktails a week, almost always McCormick's Gin and tonic with extra lime. Some might see this as a huge success. I've had a problem with alcohol for a lot of years, so to an extent I agree that it's a marginal success but ultimately I've failed. Find me a non-alcoholic gin that's dirt cheap, and I'll probably be able to kick the habit. I'm only half kidding.

Still apparently ok with relationshits (No, that isn't a typo) - Yes, everything happens for a reason. Yes, if things go sour, it's typically because they aren't "Home" (A nod to Renee's advice via text the other day). The fact remains, I've slogged through a little over a year of utter shit (Minus the first couple months with Victoria.. thanks babe!) in an effort to make "Wrong" work. Thus, I'm going to take some time out to get back to being me. REALLY me. Not this utterly pissed off monster I've been in recent years. Will I still be the Grizzly Bear? Hell yes. That won't change until I reach a point in my Path where the bear aspect is no longer necessary. I suspect that just won't happen, but if it does, change is the only constant in life, and I'll embrace it accordingly.

Escaping the time sink known as Facebook - Let's face it, Google+ just hasn't taken off like it should have. I'm not bitter about this. I do see it as a failure though. I hacked a LOT of good people from my friends list, and it was done in vain. Rather than escaping, I did learn to manage my time and energy invested in it a lot better. Had it not been my intent to walk away from it almost entirely, I'd view this as a MASSIVE success.

This concludes the list of things I feel I've pretty well screwed up at. In conclusion, I submit my feelings on the subject of failure.

Failure, at it's heart, is nothing more than a setback. It shows that you made an effort, which is more than many can say, but that effort wasn't quite enough to get the job done. Failure is a lesson. It requires bravery and strength to even try. More so to admit that you didn't achieve your goals. However, if you don't try, you can never experience the sweet taste of success, even if along your Path it comes with the bitterness of failure.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Technology VS History: How we continually &%$ up as a species.

In the past (AKA "when I was a kid") it was very rare to have our friends' phone numbers unless those friends had moved away. Why? Quite simply, WE didn't need them. We just strapped on our shoes, jumped on our favored method of conveyance (Bike, Skateboard, Pogo Stick) and went to knock on their front doors.

Sadly, times change. Though for some, not as much as usual!

All through grade school, things remained the same. In first grade, I lived in Dallas, OR. My friend Jeremy lived in the house next door. We'd go off to do whatever random silliness drew our attention until the street lights came on. My former friend Randy lived a few doors further down. I say former, because until I stopped caring (read: got older and moved away) I never really forgave him for knocking out my tooth with a steel pipe while we were playing cops and robbers. He was really good at the cop role.. if he lives in LA, he should apply. (/snicker) Eventually, Jeremy moved far enough away that I HAD to ride my bike there or it took like an hour to get to his place. In all actuality it was only a few blocks, but dude.. I was like 6. I stopped spending so much time with Jeremy because he lived FOREVER away, but hey, Archie moved in next door! FANTASTIC!

Second grade I lived in Keizer, OR. Same situation, only the next door neighbor's name was Adam. Almost exactly the same situation! Adam moved a few blocks down the road, far enough that I had to take my bike to get there. Adam and I remained in contact with very few breaks until about 2000 when we had a falling out over some money. Recently, I came in contact with him again and gave him my number. Not sure if he'll ever use it, but I'm kinda indifferent either way.

From third grade until freshman year, I lived in North Salem, right by Highland School. There were kids EVERYWHERE in this neighborhood! Ryan lived a couple doors down, Derek lived behind me across the alley, Vince lived about a block away, and in fourth grade, I met Robert, Eric, Joe, and Daniel. I got picked on quite a bit because of the physical differences (They were "average" while I was the big kid all through school) but we were basically inseparable. We never called anyone. We all just got together at Robert's house and went across the street to play basketball or football until we could barely walk, then did it again the next day.

Freshman year, it happened. Six weeks deep into the school year, and I moved to South Salem. This is both a blessing and a curse. I managed to escape getting really embroiled in the closest thing Salem had to a gang culture, but instead traded that for a long-running pot habit. Over the years, Derek had moved out south as well, and his brother David had moved up from California. I ended up getting my own phone line, too. Why? My parents couldn't get online with as much time as I was spending on the phone! Between girls and making plans with David, it was pretty much a brick wall. Still, the results were almost invariably me leaving to go meet up with friends. I'd discovered (and subsequently became really good at) video games early, but the basic day to day thing was "let's get baked and play video games" around this time in my life. Plenty of fun, not very productive.

I went through that whole life story mess to illustrate a simple point: Human interaction. We had some back then. We had LOTS back then! Sometimes to the point that we'd get in fights because we were spending so much time with friends that we'd just annoy the crap out of each other for a few days!

Then 1998 came about, and brought with it the mobile phone. Some of you got one sooner, some later, but it was the same general thing. At first, these things didn't even have a screen other than to show you the number you dialed. It basically behaved like a cordless phone, but you could leave your house with it. It was fantastic! I answered many a phone call with "Hey, I'm at Cue Ball. Wanna come shoot?" Also, there was this tremendous feature that forwarded my calls from my house phone to my mobile one if I didn't answer. FANTASTIC! But with all technological triumphs, there's bound to be a down side waiting just around the bend.

As time marched on, mobile phones became more and more advanced. Soon, phones hit the market with screens and GAMES! Cheesy monochromatic games that looked like they belonged on an Atari 2600 but with the same spinach-crap green screen as a Nintendo Gameboy. Also, despite the fact nobody ever used it, these phones had a feature called "Text messaging." You only had one sentence to say, and didn't have time to make a phone call? That's fine! For twenty-five cents, you can send a friend a quick little message, letting them know you're on the way. This is around the time people started spending hours a day on the internet for all sorts of purposes. Research, work, gaming, media, you name it, it's out there. This is also when humanity sort of lost touch with itself. You need to get in touch with a friend? Here's one of a million chat clients to help! They're not online? Better send them an email! They only live two blocks away? Maaan, that's too far. In fact, these days people prefer texting for HOURS to get a point across rather than calling someone and talking for about ten minutes. I'm guilty of it myself, as I'm sure most of us reading this are.

Currently, it seems the purveyors of technology are trying to reverse this issue of human interaction. Skype allows for video chat, which is nothing new since webcams have been around since Al Gore credited himself with hitting the power button on the internet. iPhones and iPads have a feature called FaceTime. Essentially the same thing, and requires a wifi connection. There's also some Android powered phones and tablets with front-mounted cameras to allow whatever the hell Android calls FaceTime. Since people mostly stopped buying books, genuine, paper and ink books, you can download them straight to your phone, computer, or tablet.

The sum of this story is simple: We need to put down the techno-gadgetry and get back to being human as much as possible. Stop and compare the feelings you had when you interacted with people (Even if this included punching them) to the feelings you have now. Comparatively we, as a species, have grown numb to one another with exceedingly rare exception.

Conversely, if this Digital Age is all you have experience with, I challenge you to set that aside. Use your gadgets entirely differently than you currently do. When someone texts you, CALL them back. Read a book, one made of paper and ink. Instead of using Skype or FaceTime, knock on your friend's door! Compare this feeling to what you had while texting all day from as close as a block away and tell me your day doesn't go much more awesome.