Friday, December 16, 2011

Oh goodness, Pete didn't write yesterday?!

No, I sure didn't. I couldn't even tell you why I didn't bother to write anything for this morning. Not because I don't truly have a reason, but trust me, you don't really want the details unless you were there.

So as I sit here and ponder a topic for tomorrow, sipping on Mountain Dew Game Fuel (Yes, this time around it's amazing!) and headbanging to "Gematria: The Killing Name" by Slipknot, I figured I'd list (And thus admit) my failures this year. Yeah, even Mr. All I Do Is Win can drop the ball sometimes. These will be listed in order of how they come to mind. If this implies some sort of importance, great? Honestly, it's whatever.

Quitting smoking - I tried to switch to the electronic cigarette this year. Yes, I was still inhaling crap and poisoning myself with nicotine. Compared to cigarettes though, the smell doesn't permeate everything. At least not that I noticed. I'm not sure if I failed because one of the main ingredients was rage, or because I reverted to my typical reaction to ultimatums ("If you feel this strongly about it, let's see what happens when we both stand our ground.") but ultimately as I type this, I have a Marlboro smooth hanging out of my mouth. Calm down, it's not lit. Yet. ;p (Edit - Now it is.)

Quitting drinking - Yeah, I tried to completely throw the bottle into life's great trash can. I no longer drink to excess. In fact, I barely drink at all. An average of two cocktails a week, almost always McCormick's Gin and tonic with extra lime. Some might see this as a huge success. I've had a problem with alcohol for a lot of years, so to an extent I agree that it's a marginal success but ultimately I've failed. Find me a non-alcoholic gin that's dirt cheap, and I'll probably be able to kick the habit. I'm only half kidding.

Still apparently ok with relationshits (No, that isn't a typo) - Yes, everything happens for a reason. Yes, if things go sour, it's typically because they aren't "Home" (A nod to Renee's advice via text the other day). The fact remains, I've slogged through a little over a year of utter shit (Minus the first couple months with Victoria.. thanks babe!) in an effort to make "Wrong" work. Thus, I'm going to take some time out to get back to being me. REALLY me. Not this utterly pissed off monster I've been in recent years. Will I still be the Grizzly Bear? Hell yes. That won't change until I reach a point in my Path where the bear aspect is no longer necessary. I suspect that just won't happen, but if it does, change is the only constant in life, and I'll embrace it accordingly.

Escaping the time sink known as Facebook - Let's face it, Google+ just hasn't taken off like it should have. I'm not bitter about this. I do see it as a failure though. I hacked a LOT of good people from my friends list, and it was done in vain. Rather than escaping, I did learn to manage my time and energy invested in it a lot better. Had it not been my intent to walk away from it almost entirely, I'd view this as a MASSIVE success.

This concludes the list of things I feel I've pretty well screwed up at. In conclusion, I submit my feelings on the subject of failure.

Failure, at it's heart, is nothing more than a setback. It shows that you made an effort, which is more than many can say, but that effort wasn't quite enough to get the job done. Failure is a lesson. It requires bravery and strength to even try. More so to admit that you didn't achieve your goals. However, if you don't try, you can never experience the sweet taste of success, even if along your Path it comes with the bitterness of failure.

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